StoryTime: The Worst Birthday Surprise Ever

 “What do you want to do on your birthday?” Everyone's asking me. 

“Cry into my martini.” Dirty, extra olives. 

“Awww, don’t do that,” they say because they love me.

I don’t mind. My house was full of people last year. This year, I don’t mind leaning into the melancholy. I expect it to be grey and dreary on my birthday as it usually is. Sometimes, I feel like I’m born in the wrong season. I’m a summer girl. Not even spring. Most people prefer autumn. I hardcore need to sweat, I need it to be hot enough to crave a cold lake, to hear people complaining about the summer and worship the air-conditioner, give thanks to this god.

Anyway, as it happens, I’m born in the middle of autumn where you’ve got one toe dipped into winter. I don’t mind being a Scorpio, however. If I choose to see my birthday as a time to start rebirth, then it becomes quite fitting. Glow-up starts now, and by summer I’m taking over the city. 

Anyway, on to the story. 

Remember this ex? He’s also here in this story. He’ll probably show up a few more times, as I want to create a series to show how subtle toxic behaviour can be.  

It wasn’t his assholery that broke us up. That came and went, I’d learned to navigate around it. Because when he wasn’t anyone, he was so much fun and I could tell him anything. 

No, our reasons for breaking up were more substantial. Let me rewind to a year back. 

We moved him into his new house in December, 2022. I was mentioned in the application letter. It made me gushy because it showed that he sees us as a couple. That’s why, I never complained that he never gave me a key. “He’ll get around to it,” I told myself, “I’m thinking too much into it, as he says. Haha! Silly me.” 

In January, ‘23, my brother and his wife happened to be in Mexico. They live in Pakistan, and since they were visiting her family in the states, it turned out to be an impromptu thing since they were “in the neighbourhood.” 

“Why don’t you join us?” my brother said, “It’s so beautiful here.” 

I groaned, “I think Boyfriend has work. And frankly, as grateful as I am for the invite, I don’t want to show up by myself to yet another family vacation.” 

The next time I was over at his, I brought it up. 

“You know. My brother invited us to join them in Mexico. And I didn’t even bother checking in with you, because I knew you’d say no.” 

“Well, work wouldn’t have been happy about it,” he mumbled. 

I could have said, “We don’t know that. You’ve been the star employee for over a year now. Besides, you didn’t even have to take time off work. It’s in the same time zone, you could have been at your laptop during the day, and walked by the beach at night, sipped on a margarita with your future potential brother-in-law whose here from all across the globe…”

The advice echoed in my mind, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And where there isn’t, there’s an excuse.” 

Instead I said, “It just makes me sad that people who’ve been together for less time than us have already been on a couple’s vacation or getaway, and we’ve never done that.”

“Which couple? Name me one,” he challenged me.

“Fine! Melissa and Kurt. It wasn’t a big thing, either. They booked a cabin in the middle of some Quebec forest, and spent a week there. That’s it.” 

“Well,” he pointed out, “The problem with us is that neither of us drives,”

“We don’t need a car,” I suggested, “We could take a train to Quebec city for a weekend.”

“And then I’d be so tired upon returning, ask to have the next weekend to myself, and that would piss me off.”

“Frankly, yes, that would be piss me off. I’ve done my research, and spending six days apart from the person you supposedly love is not common, as you say.” 

He rolled his eyes, “You’re just complaining,” and went to the other room. 

I meet him a week later in Parc LaFontaine. I’m waiting for him in the snow, and as I’m trying to fish out a hair tie, a glove I’ve been missing springs out of my pocket. I pick it up, smiling. 

“Hello,” I hear his voice,

“Hi!” I lean over for a kiss. I am happy to see him. I am happy that he caught me smiling. Sometimes, even when I’m feeling neutral, he’d say I look mopey or depressed. It made me feel unattractive.

We started walking over to Jess and David’s house. They’d invited us over for lunch. It was February and freezing. But I’m upbeat with optimism. 

“You know, Darling,” I said, “About the vacation thing. I don’t want to stress you out. I know you’ve got a big year ahead of you. You just bought this house, you’re about to apply for PR, and sort out your taxes. Plus, we’re going to Ireland for the wedding, it’s not the same as an exclusive, intention trip for us, but I’m happy with that! We can do all of that before we think about going somewhere. We can go on vacation next year.” 

“I don’t know,” he moaned, “I’ll have to see about work.” 

I got mad. I’m giving this man’s a years’ notice in advance, and he’s still ….

Nevermind. We were almost at their house. We’d talk about it later.

Dumplings were ordered and tea was served. I regretted my hangover. Boyfriend went to the bathroom. David’s band was to be playing in Istanbul this summer, and the rest of them were talking about potentially meeting up there. It was my home for four years. “I know exactly where you’re performing!” I told him. It’s where all the big acts went, “I’m so impressed! Well done!”

David said, “That would be so amazing if you guys could make it, too! I’d love to have a local show us around, it’d be perfect!”

Chris asked, “Can you guys come?”

“Well,” I said, “We’re in Ireland right before then, for Boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. So, it’s not impossible! Let’s see what Boyfriend has to say.” 

When he returned, they asked him, “Yo, wanna go to Turkey?”

“Yeah, sure!” he said. Then he turned to me and said, “You jealous?”

“Um, I was invited, too,” I told him. 

I peeked over and saw him looking at flight tickets from Ireland to Istanbul.

I later asked the girls if we can go out for a smoke. I needed a break from him. “Just us girls, if that’s okay,” I told them. Boyfriend saw us putting on our shoes and coats and decided to join us, and I was too polite to ask him not to. But he was smart, he could tell I wasn’t happy. “What’s wrong?” he asked, “Why are you in a bad mood?”

I replied, “What do you think?”

Ah, that felt so good. For the very first time in our relationship, I decided not to the bigger person, the one who had to explain the very basics of decency, the one with the PowerPoint explaining why certain behaviour is hurtful.

We later went to the basement. The hosts were showing us the gym they’d set up. Boyfriend told everyone how much I’ve been working out, that I have such great discipline and stamina. I felt admired. Then we went to the mini music room, and he scooched over on the piano bench to make room for me. He held my hand and we shared a kiss. I softened up, and whispered playfully, “Be nice to me,” 

“I am nice to you,”

And we kissed again.

At home, I said, “You did not even want me to go to go Turkey,”

“You always misunderstand me,” he was annoyed, “I did not want to go to Turkey.” 

I finally admitted it to myself: if I wanted a partner to go on vacation with, he was not it. If I stay with him, this is what the future looks like. I’m staring at it.

We broke up a few weeks later. 

Fast forward to the end of summer. I hear he’s with someone new. It was strange to imagine. I brushed off the hurt, telling myself that even though I’m alone, at least I’m not with someone who just wants to stay home and play videogames all the time. I had my handy list as a reminder.

It’s November, 2022. I’ve had a new haircut. I made my Instagram account public and for the first time in my life, started sharing my writing. I have some new fall clothes: a faux leather skirt, a black top, a new grey coat. I’m fresh and stylish. And I want to have fun. 

My birthday fell on a Saturday. It was the perfect night to gather my friends and go dancing. As I scrolled through my contacts on WhatsApp, I came across Boyfriend’s. His profile picture was different. This didn’t look like Canada. 

In panic and shaking fingers, I go over to his new girlfriend’s Instagram to see she’s in Europe. I’m sure I’m sure I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, I tell myself. 

The next day, I spoke to my work bestie about it. She suggested finding out for sure. I didn’t want to let it ruin my birthday week. But I also didn’t want to spend the rest of it guessing. Let’s get this over with. 

I asked Chris, “Hey, is Boyfriend in Europe with his new girlfriend?”

“Yep!” he said, “I think so!”

How he could say it with cheer, I do not know. 

“Or more like,” he continued, “she had to go there for work anyway and he tagged along for some of it.” 

Maybe. Maybe that took the edge off. 

He went on to talk about how it’s not personal, different dynamics, etc etc. It didn’t help. I told myself, I’m not the girlfriend who’s worth planning a travel with. It’s me. I’m not important enough.

My actual birthday was fun, anyway. My tits looked spectacular. I looked cute in the videos afterwards. 

But I did lose 5kgs that month.