Client Question:
Should I call out a ghoster?
The advice on the internet will tell you, “No.”
“That’ll show you care,”
“Have some self respect,”
“Walk away with dignity,”
“Don’t give them any more of your energy,”
“Take the higher road,”
And you know what this advice does?
It lets men get away with doing what they do. Women do it, too, sure. But I personally have only done it if I’ve been: attacked, harassed, or never met the person. Guys know that they won’t have to face the consequences of their non-actions. Because we're too scared to show we care (God forbid we form an attachment after someone shows us love and intimacy)
It’s okay to ghost if you’re being attacked or harassed. But in this day and age, there is really no excuse for ghosting someone. You don’t even have to type out the text. You ask AI, your friend, or me (best) to type it out for you. “Sorry. You’re great but it won’t work out. Wish you the best.” That’s it, bro. Literally. Was that so hard?
So if your fingers are itching to send that text, you have my permission
BUT -
with a caveat:
First of all: WAIT. Get some distance from the emotions. Let yourself cool down. I usually give myself a few weeks.
Once the dust has settled and he’s prolly forgotten your existence, now you can make a move. But not just any move. Here’s how you approach it:
Instead of talking about YOU, talk about HIM.
Guys don’t give a shit about your feelings. Your eleven-paragraph texts about how all this had an impact on you and how you’re hurt and you didn’t deserve it after all you’ve done and what about that special moment you had didn’t it mean anything to him…it’s all going to be scrolled through.
Instead, you turn it around on him. You will - very coolly and briefly - talk about how his ghosting reflects on him.
And for that it helps to get into a very detached and observant mindset.
Exact words and phrases to use when calling out a fuckboi:
“Turn off”
“Unattractive”
“Bad manners”
“Unimpressed”
“Off-putting”
“It was not an attractive thing to do”
“Lowered my image of you”
“I thought you were a decent guy”
Ultimately, do what’s right for you.
If you’d rather shrug and say, “Nevermind,” that’s okay. If you decide to not suppress your urge, go for it.
Dudes don’t give a fuck about your discomfort. Why should we care about theirs?
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