Birth Certificates and City Break Ups

              
It's the beginning of June and I'm supposed to be happy right now. It's summer(ish?), I have new adventures ahead of me. (Do I?). And I...well. That's it. 

Leaving Montreal. Mixed Feelings.

Sometimes, I'm sad I'm leaving. 

I was sad as I was sitting on my balcony this morning, watching the sunlight dance through the leaves. 

Or when I was riding my bike to the metro. The streets are so pretty and quiet. 

Or when I was amongst trees in Mont Royal with a friend this weekend. And I thought, how nice it is that I can walk my feet here within the hour and feel like I'm not in a city anymore. 

Or the golden hour hit Parc LaFontaine. Or the streets closed off for pedestrians and patios. The chamber music, the jazz festival. Or having to learn a new language all over again. One that resembles the ones I already know. 

Or when I see gorgeous men. Until I remember they're not mine. Then I'm happy.

Sometimes I'm happy I'm leaving. 

I'm happy when I see the silverfish make their appearance past midnight. 

Or when it's 8°C on the 28th of May. 

Or I see my favourite fruiterie has moved. What a sign!

Or when my landlady talks about selling the building. Silverfish and all. 

Or when my friends don't answer. And I go home while the world sits out on the terrace with beers.

I am tired of talking about why I'm leaving. One of my friends made me feel bad about not being able to find work. "A whole year, and you found nothing? Wow." 

But even with him, there was a minute where I felt I had to justify myself. That I was saying, no no, this is meant to be. The universe WANTS me somewhere else, that's why it shut off all the jobs to me. It's telling me I need to move.

He told me Mexicans are ugly. Is that whom I'll have sex with?

Well, I won't be having sex with him. 

Job Prospects

Shady Offer

It's not all crickets in the employment department. 

My favourite gig is writing for Healing Waves Counselling. I get to do research on mental health and translate my findings into relatable advice, along with story-like snippets.

I'm also babysitting my friends' 7-month-old. They're good employers. They don't cheat me, they're very fair. They often ask if I want to stay over for dinner. And their baby is very, very cute. I do feel a bond with him. 

But no matter how cute a baby is, they make time pass very slowly. Even by the end of four hours, I'm READY to retreat back into my own brain. 

I didn't tell anybody this, but I almost considered another job. This recruiter bro called me incessantly about an AI training job, asked me personal questions about my current work prospects, if I had other interviews or offers, set up an interview and said I don't have a say in my availability (that I just need to show up for it). He mentioned sole proprietorship, told me to look up what it entails in lengthy detail before I agreed to an interview. 

When I pointed out that his questions were invasive, he wrote me this:

"Hi yasmin, just wanted to share this with you since it might be useful for your career. It is important to be transparent with the recruiter you work with on other opportunities, what stages they’re at so we can help push the client for a quicker offer and since we will be working together for the next few years if meta works out, we will be partnering together for your overall career! Wanted to share this :)"

I saw my uncapitalised name. I went through the motions. This might be a better fit, after all. Remote, better pay, in my line of work (writing, literature? Was it? He didn't give me a job description either. Said it wasn't available). Of course, it smelled nothing good. But I felt I owed it to myself to at least learn the details.

I felt like I was engaged, the wedding is in two months, but I'm not fully done exploring my options. I'm almost hoping I don't like what I see so I don't have the dreaded conversation with the fiance. 

I think I sabotaged that one on purpose. I was being too much myself in the interview. I said I'm good at teamwork, that I don't "see myself in five years" because I'm open to possibilities. I spoke about my respectful communication, effective problem-solving, and general enthusiasm and positivity I bring. 

I think bro was mad. He went from calling and texting and emailing to ghosting. I never heard his precious "feedback". 

Creative Endeavours

It's been months since I've sent out a story. Or finished one. I have seven tabs open right now. Poetic poison, dark dreams, astral love, optical illusions, biting openers. I'll do something with them. I promise. I just been doing this. And this is good, too. It's a bunch of girls having a sleepover. It's casual. 

But I do need a poem. It's just hard because I really have so many. 

Going to Mexico

I wanted to start like a TikTok series vlogging my journey. But I'm doing it the old fashioned way, and here it is. 

My communication with the school has been rocky since I got my visa. 

First, they said they can't guarantee to pay for my AirBnb. That they have shared accommodation for teachers while we look for the forever-home. I showed them the contract and they said, "Oh yes, that's right we did say that. Okay, then."

I was looking at places near the school, until I remembered that there was mention of carpooling. But I felt so stupid about asking. I felt like a spoilt brat for wanting to live in the nice part of town. But I knew I'd kick myself harder if I didn't. I had to sit myself down - much like a grownup - and remind myself that my living situation is not a cute little indulgence. It's my life (which I'm uprooting) and my sanity. 

Then I get an email asking for my bachelors' degree and birth certificate. 

Birth certificate! That's all the way on the other side of the planet. And I'm not putting my poor through the stress of leafing through that paperwork. Or of even opening that cupboard. I don't want to put her in a position of hurting herself. Physically or mentally. 

Here's what I composed:

"Hi School,

I hope you're well.

Yes, no problem—I have my Bachelor's degree with me and will be sure to bring it.

Regarding the birth certificate: you had requested it previously, and I had asked my mother in Pakistan to check and send it over. Unfortunately it seems to have been misplaced. At the time we were able to move forward without it, so I hope that’s still acceptable.

Thank you so much for answering about the carpool! What are the chances that other staff members will be leaving from Centro? I’d love to get a sense of what my daily travel might look like.

Thanks again, and looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,
Yasmin"

I left out the fact that my degree was not in education, as they mentioned in this email. 

It's okay. They should know. They hired me, didn't they? Surely, someone did their homework. I'm tired. 

I guess it's a Pisces Moon thing that we don't really belong. We keep hopping from region to region, hoping to find home. This is why I'm not "omg so excited". It's always fun in the beginning, but what if I end up in the same place I am now four years later? Will life become stale again? I never intended it to. 

I'm tired, but the husband and kids life is definitely not mine. I'll keep you up to date. And maybe I can soon share that poem about writing with a pink pen.